Holiday Spirit

Dear Mrs. Higgins,

You know how oversensitive my neighbors can be, so you won’t be surprised by this at all.

Halloween night, and I’ve just got back from my own trick or treating. Kind of a disappointing year actually. Most people just slammed their doors and called 911. (probably thought I actually WAS Spiderman and needed to connect to the proper authorities. Sometimes my costumes are just TOO good)

Anyway, a little tyke, dressed as a leprechaun, shows up at the door. The little guy is adorable in green and all, and in keeping with tradition, I give him a pint of Guiness.

Suddenly his mom appears out of nowhere (I think she was hiding behind a tree) and makes this huge scene. Like really, do you think this 7 year old wanted a Snicker?

I think its about time parents do a little homework, and be a bit more open minded. Its Halloween after all.

So the night moves on, and since traffic is a bit slim, I’m kinda sampling the wares - getting ready for the next onslaught of neighborhood “ghouls and goblins“.

Getting toward the end of the trick or treat time and here comes a Princess. I’m thinking: she must be an Irish princess, so I offer up another pint.

Now this mom, also super overprotective, jumps in and has a “problem”. I know what you’re thinking Mrs. H: “hey, lets get in the spirit of the holiday!”

Shortly after, a kid comes up as R2D2, you know, the robot from Star Wars.

And I’m thinking robot: yes, Irish robot: hell yes! But the Guiness supply is dwindling, probably from all the Leprechauns earlier, but not really sure, so I offer up a piece of corned beef.

Wow.

All I can say is kids aren’t nearly as grateful as they were in my time. Probably too many video games.

Last trick or treaters of the night are a Harry Potter and a hobo. Great costumes. And, as we all know, totally Irish. But the Guiness and corned beef are gone, so all I can pony up is a little piece of cabbage.

(I’m holding back the Jameson in case I develop a cough later tonight - could happen)

Surprisingly, that didn’t go well either. Kids are clearly eating so much McDonalds that they don’t appreciate good quality food.

Anyway, Mrs. H, how was your Halloween? I know your townhouse is a little harder to get to, but I’m sure the kids in your neighborhood are tracking you down.

And more importantly, what’s wrong with the children of America?

Mike


Dear Mike,

Number one problem: you’re 51 and you still are one.

Number two: you may want to put your house on the market.

Sleep it off, and we’ll talk again. Hope your cough gets better.

Mrs H.