Trouble in Paradise

Dear Mrs. Higgins,

Before you see this on COPS, I wanted to give you a heads up. I had a little problem at Walmart.

Here’s how it played out: I had selected a product slightly ahead of another customer. The other customer insisted that the product was his, but I stood my ground. Words were exchanged, and then I gave the other customer a little shove.

That’s when the trouble started.

The “little shove” caused the other customer to fall backwards (obviously clumsy, and probably drunk) and hit his head on the floor.

Now, and I’m not exaggerating, he starts crying and calls for (are you ready) his mom.

Next thing you know, Miss Overprotective Mom is in my face, and calling for security.

Then, other customers start looking at me like I just shot a bald eagle.

Perhaps, at this time, it would be useful to review some important facts:

Fact #1: There are many stores that have the Spiderman Halloween costume BESIDES this particular Walmart.

Fact#2: Last year I got shut out of the Spiderman “lottery” by waiting till the last minute.

Fact#3: I’m a little bigger, and a little stronger, and: I won!

Then, overreaction set in.

I mean, seriously, you’d think 3rd graders were an endangered species.

Oh sure, there is a little blood dripping down the back of his neck, and maybe a few stitches wouldn’t hurt, but come on, maybe its time to toughen up a little.

Anyway Mrs. H, it’s a little snug, but come Halloween: I’m all set.
(can’t go back to Walmart for awhile, though)

What do you think,

Mike

Dear Spidey,

Oh. My. God.

You pushed a 3rd grader down over a Halloween costume?

Maybe, just maybe, this particular 10 year old wasn’t clumsy or drunk. Maybe you just outweigh him by: oh, I don’t know, 150 lbs?

Here’s a thought: you might be just a little old to dress up for Halloween.

If that doesn’t ring true with you, call a couple of your 51 year old friends and ask them to go trick or treating with you.

Here’s another thought. Instead of trick or treating - which frightens, I think everyone, why don’t you go buy a stock of celery and bag of carrots and pretend you “scored big” in the neighborhood.

You ARE scary, boy,

Mrs H.