Cousin Art

Dear Mrs. Higgins,

Another year slid by and my kids helped celebrate the big day by getting me a new coffee maker. They know how much the old man loves coffee, and bless their hearts, they wanted to get me the best.

Ok, the thing is about the size of a phone booth. There is a place for water, a place for beans, there are a couple coffee plants growing in the back, and I’m pretty sure a guy named Jose, who I’m guessing tends the plants, is living in there as well.

So this morning I uncrated the thing and started checking out all the components. The instrument panel is nothing out of the ordinary, if you fly DC-10’s a lot.

But hey, I’m a learning curve kind of guy. So I dug right in. I’ll say one thing for this Art guy. He is friendly. Welcomed me to his family, which only sketched me out a little. I have enough cousins already, and they know how to spell. But I pressed on, read the first 8 chapters of the manual then watched a couple hours of the first instructional DVD.

But by now I’m getting the shakes from missing today’s caffeine, so I just drove to Starbucks. I like Starbucks, but never considered it a religious experience. But I’m pretty sure the lady in front of me started speaking in tongues. “Mocha latte expresso shota mucha java capachino” and on, and on.

Strange thing was, the guy behind the counter just smiled and handed her a drink. Guess that happens a lot in there.

So I order a cup of coffee and the guy just stares at me blankly, like there’s more for me to say.
Finally he blurts out: “venti?”

And I’m like “Hey dreadlocks, back off, this is still America!”

Anyway Mrs. H, I did finally get my cup of Joe and got the day started, although it was 4pm. I dig these time saving devices.

Just hope Jose has a green card. You never know when Obama may want me on his cabinet, and I don’t want to have any issues.

Mike



Dear Mike,

That would be the shortest vetting in the history of government.

By the way, that's Cuisinart, not cousin art. Its a brand name, not a family.

Why don’t you tend the plants and let Jose write me.

Mrs Higgins