Dating and other natural disasters - part 3

Dear Mrs. Higgins,

I’m going through a bit of a “dry spell” with the ladies. Seems like they all “like me” but want to be “just friends.” None have actually said “pathetic loser,” but its been implied.

Last one just gave me the “friends” call. I could kind of see it coming. She hadn’t returned countless phone calls, emails, or even waved as I followed her at the grocery store, mall, and every other time she left the house.

Just trying to show that I’m interested.

The one before that never made the friends phone call, but made it pretty clear.

When I mentioned something about church, she said “oh, I bet you ring the bell” and then looked really closely at my back.

I asked to kiss her goodnight after a date and she suggested I just send her a fax instead.

Another announced that she was not going to have sex with me. Since we happened to be in the McDonald’s drive up I didn’t really think the topic was on the table.

At the time, I was more concerned with quarter pounder or Big Mac, or possibly: both.

Its gotten so bad, the other night I had to slip myself a rufi to get me undressed for a shower.

Any ideas Mrs. H?

Mike

Dear Mike,

Come to think of it, I never have seen you and old Quasi at the same time.

Hang in there Romeo. You’ll find someone who can see past your flaws.
(think: girls with white canes)

Just be yourself. Or better yet, don‘t.

Mrs Higgins