Exit Strategy

Dear Mrs. Higgins,

One of the downsides of skiing is the rich people. I try not to dislike someone who makes more or less money than me, but rich guys can really be annoying.

Here is how it works: they start out all “regular guy,” but when the conversation begins to slide into what looks like peer status, they make sure to clarify the class difference.

Me: “Great skiing today! Hi, I‘m Mike.”

Rich guy: “Yes it is. My pleasure, I‘m sure. Rodney.”

Me: “Good to meet you, Rodney. A lot less windy than yesterday.”

Rich guy: “Well, heh heh, it was calm as could be in the Swiss Alps yesterday.”

Me: “Wow, you were in Europe?”

Rich guy: “Yes, the Westwind was tied up in Rome, so we were stuck in the Lear last night. Just doesn‘t have the roominess or ride, but we struggled through.”

Me: (in my mind) “Yeah, well my 747 was in for an oil change at Jiffy Lube, so I just came out in the space shuttle.”

Me: (in real life) “Wow.” (always quick on my feet)

Rich guy: “So Mick, what do you do?”

Me: “Uh, its Mike. I’m a programmer. How about yourself Rodney?”

Rich guy: “Software eh? Well I’ve had my share of software companies. Such a bore dealing with nerdy little geeks.”

Me: (in my mind) “I know the secret handshake to THAT club.”

As Rodney continues detailing his life’s accomplishments, I‘m looking for a smooth way to exit the vicinity.

Unfortunately, at this point, we happen to be on a chair lift about 40 feet off the ground.

I’m mentally weighing: bailing out of the chair with a likely compound fracture, versus spending another 3 minutes with Rodney.

Then I remembered Lamaze breathing.

Rich guy: “… and as I was saying Mark, I absolutely stole this little villa in the south of France…”

Me: (concentrating on the tip of my left ski) … hee hee hee hee hee hee hee …

This can’t be much worse than your average contraction.

Anyway, Mrs. Higgins, I’m happy to say I made it to the top without injury.

Saw Rodney later in the day talking to a guy who appeared to be about to impale himself on a ski pole.

Mike


Dear Mike,

Glad you could get past your pain.

You know dear, you could be a little more patient. Did you ever think that maybe Rodney was dealing with insecurities in other parts of his life?

Everyone needs someone to talk to.

And, you’d last about 10 minutes in real labor.

Mrs. Higgins.