Bunny Hill

Dear Mrs Higgins,

As you know, I’ve taken up snow skiing. Totally typical behavior for someone in their prime and in top physical condition.

I’m telling you though, the preparation ritual for a day on the slopes is something straight out of middle ages. (I’m guessing you remember those days)

It starts with the getup.

I have these high-tech socks, with which I could pretty much walk across Antarctica without shoes if I wanted to. (and I’m thinking about it)

Then there are the high-tech longies. Really didn’t want white, but that was all they had in stock. They are the only things in North America whiter than my legs.

Next comes the shirt of pain. Ok, that’s not what its called, but “if the shoe fits…” and it really, really doesn’t.

I paid more for this stupid-ass, sweat wicking, armour all, pro athlete shirt than any shirt I’ve ever bought. They said at the sporting goods store: “its supposed to be tight.”

Yeah well, I’m supposed to breath. And, at 9000 feet that's hard enough without wearing this stupid corset.

And, after shoe-horning my chassis into this thing I had the misfortune to walk past a mirror.

Oh boy.

Think: 10 lbs of bleep in a 5 pound bag.

Gandhi, I ain’t.

Ski pants, sweatshirts, coat, gloves, hat, goggles, the preparation continues.

Now I’m excited. I‘m lightheaded. I’m out of breath. I’m sweating. I’m really exerting myself.

And then, …. I put on the other ski boot.

Who in the world ever invented these stupid things. Getting into them is a freakin workout. (pretty much need a nap after, but who could possibly sleep with these f.ing things on)

Well, its been a good start. Not sure how to get myself to the ski runs from here, but I did find the pub.

I love this sport.

Mike

Dear Mike,

I caught your smart assed remark about the middle ages. For your information, that was the class ahead of me.

But speaking of “in their prime and in top physical condition” Is that somebody I know?

Good that you took up another sport.

Just so you know: it supposed to be outdoors.

Mrs H

Fruitcake

Dear Mrs. Higgins,

Happy New Year to you and thanks again for the fruitcake. Its always a special treat.

I used a piece of it to chalk the back wheels of my car when changing a tire. And was able to sell the rest to a well drilling company. They are always looking for a material hard enough to cut through granite.

Speaking of fruitcakes, I saw our beloved Governor on national TV the other night. He was in a thousand dollar suit, smiling and shaking hands, and introducing his selection for US Senate.
(I could almost hear a cash register ching-ching)

And, here is the strange part, people are smiling back and actually appear happy to see him. And his candidate seems totally comfortable being on a podium with him.

Did I miss something?

This is the guy who is quoted on a federal wiretap saying the seat is worth some f-ing money. Shouldn’t he, and everyone around him be, oh, I don’t know, ASHAMED????

Isn’t congress itself losing a little credibility by “playing nice ” with this guy?

I’d really like to see Blago on national TV, Brady Bunch haircut and all, in a bright orange jumpsuit with his hands shackled to his side.

That is an image that might encourage a few more ethics in politics.
(not that we need that in Illinois, or anything)

What do you think, Mrs. H?

Mike


Dear Mike,

Don’t get too excited. As usual, you have about half the story right. The senate rightly decided to reject anybody the governor chose.
(there is most likely a “stop pay” on a check somewhere)

And did you say “ethics” and “politics” in the same week? You might want to give the Old Style a day off or two.

It did kind of creep me out though, seeing Blago working the crowd.

Can you smile at someone, shake their hand, and vote to impeach in the same day? (Hope so!)

Stop insulting the Brady Bunch. You know that is one of my favorite shows.

And especially don’t you go making fun of my fruitcake. That recipe has been in my family for years.

And looking at you, next year I’m thinking: more fruit, less cake.

Mrs H.