Real problem: Exposed

Dear Mrs. Higgins,

Sorry I haven’t talked with you for a while. I was abducted by aliens wanting to do research on human brains.  Guess it took ‘em longer than usual for yours truly.

Who’d have guessed?

Anyway,  as  I’m sure you’ve noticed, the political candidates, as usual, have completely focused on the wrong topics.  They wander along with their heads in the sand completely ignoring the travesty amongst our midst. 

Well it’s time to shine a light, and I’m the bulb.

That’s right, I’m bringing it right out into the open:  clothing label errors.

And I know exactly what you’re thinking:  errors  IS way too kind a word.  Sabotage fits so much better.  And, you’re welcome!  Someone had to have the insight and courage to address this insidious dilemma.

Exhibit A:  I’m in the store trying on blue jeans.  Of course, I wear 32 inch waist, but it turns out that a 36 just seems to feel better.  So as I’m attempting to slip on some “36’s”  there seems to be a problem. 

“Uh, hi!  36 what?”   I ask.  Centimeters?    Liters?   Cubits?  Krugerands?

Well excuse me, Comrade, but this is America! 
And we expect a 36 to fit size 36.

So while the talking heads continue to yammer about unemployment, nukes in Iran, Libya, etc…. – real people can’t fasten their pants!

No wonder people are moving to Canada or Hawaii.  They are as fed up with this country as I am. 

Well, I hope I didn’t ruin your day, Mrs. H, with all this negativity.  But someone has to really care about the middle class.

With deepest affection,

Mike

 

Dear Mike,

You’re a bulb alright.  I’m guessing you haven’t been a 32 waist since your high school marching band uniform. (and not everyone can play a bass drum with that much talent)

Why don’t you shine a little more light on salad, and a little less on deep dish pizza.

Just maybe your "label issue" will resolve.

Hawaii??

Mrs. H