September 19, 2008

Dear Mrs. Higgins,

Watched that movie Rudy last night. Don’t know if you’ve seen it, but its supposed to be one of those “inspirational” movies. Basically, it’s the story of a guy who is obsessed with going to Notre Dame.

So he works until he’s 30 or so, then lands in a prep school for a few years yearning for a time when he can paint football helmets.

Finally, his dream comes true and he gets to be a tackling dummy for 4 years. The movie climaxes on the last play of his last year when he actually gets in a game that is pretty much already decided. Then the team carries him off the field.

Wow.

Growing up Methodist, this whole Notre Dame magic is kind of lost on me. All I knew about it was there was a hunchback who rang the bell - not exactly what conjured up dreams in my little protestant existence.

But here’ s the point I want to make. The guy was a hobbit.

And, the way he gazed lovingly at Frodo, I’m pretty sure he was gay.

Now I’m a live and let live kind of guy, but its difficult for me to get inspired by a queer hobbit playing division 1 football.

Oh, they gave him a different name, and made him look all blue collar working in a steel mill and drinking beer. What the movie didn’t show was that he actually was a flower arranger and preferred white Russians.

(what a politically correct world we live in)

Then, at the very end of the movie, they make this BFD about little Samwise/Rudy being the only player carried off the field in Notre Dame history.

No shit.

Maybe next year they’ll get an elf to go out for the team and they can carry that wee one around as well.

Well gotta run, Mrs. H,

Mike

Dear Mike,

Paint chips. Must have been paint chips. Lots of em, and all leaded.

Mrs. H.